Tag Archives: Thoughts

The true power of names

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I think names come with a part of power, a given name has the power of love, most of the times, as a parent gives it to their child, and they pick a name they think is beautiful, as well as fit for a boy or a girl, but that wasn’t the case with my name, my parents simply couldn’t find a boy name, if I were to be born a boy.

Your own nicknames give power too, they give you a feeling or a save haven for people who cannot seem to find it in their own life. That’s where my first name comes from. It’s a given from me from what I like most. I used it online for as long as I have been known, carrying it with me through each of my online life, but it also has a history that’s black and dark, as a passing in the last year. That’s also why names are powerful, they carry memories.

Some names carry memories that are rather forgotten, while other carry the memories of someone else, as it’s a name passed through generations. I think those shouldn’t be forgotten either, a family can bring great joy, or destruction to whatever they name you, and if they name you after someone special, or if that name doesn’t mean anything at all. That’s also a reason why we could change a name, as it’s our own identity, so switching names might be even changing them.

The last thing to say is about your identity, a different name with a different idenity, at least that’s what it is for me, something which I won’t ever forget, or something that will always be with me, deep in my heart. Yet again, the memories I make with the different names I carry are the most important ones, and I’ll cherrish them forever.

~Roza~


Holidays

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The holidays are a sort of time, that people look up to, but I am not this kind of person, I rather dislike Christmas for example, simply because it is an holiday spend with your family. And mine isn’t exatly the best.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my sister, and my parents, but my mum’s family… I don’t even know where to start. They are just not the people that are able to handle each other in one room, so it doesnt’happen. In some ways I’m glad about that, but in others its like a sort of feeling of belonging, and missing, that you cannot enjoy what peolple have gifted to you. Something as a happy family gathering.

And I know I’m not the person to complain, because there are people who have it less good than me, would be dying to have it like me. So I try to enjoy, to spend time with the people I really care about, and to enjoy the fact I am here, and I will not be able to leave, yet to have a good time. It’s reassuring in some way, and I’ll get through.

So, best of all to everyone out here, and even if your holidays are different than mine, your New Year is different from mine, I still wish you the best of all, for the coming year.

~Dreamer of Faith~

Musicalish Cash

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People, especially with birthdays, like to give me cash. In my country, we barely use cash, and at my uni I’m not even able to pay with cash at all anymore. Everything goes with your bankcard, and I like it. There is a system that up to 25 euros you don’t need to enter your pincode, but once you go over that you have to again. In some ways it makes it easier to pay, sometimes too easy if you ask me, since people can even do it if they still your card, but only up to 25, till you have to enter that devious pincode again.

Today I got my hands on more cash it seems though, even tho I spent most of what I got from my birthday, partly on my graphic tablet, and partly on the pup crawl from the student assosiation. There are some minor things to take into account though, today I got paid in cash, because it’s lovely and a hassle to pay musicians, especially amateurs like myself by bank account. That would be such of a hassle. 

Our group or actually large quartet existed out of three first violinist, three second violinsts, a viola, which would be me, and a cello player. Each year we perform with this chorus in the church, but this time it was actually freezing, as in my hand were frozen solid at the end of the performance. It doesn’t really help that right now I’m watching the snow fall down in the dark sky, and am just sitting wrappeed in a blanket. 

I yet again have to think what I will have to with the little, but yet quite some of the cash I got today. I could buy about two books with it, as they are expensive here, but at the same time I could just save it up so I can use it later for when I want to travel again. So many options, yet I just received about five new books from the gift cards I had, so I think I’m good to go about reading for till the end of the year, hopefully.

Nothing without Something

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What if the world was the only person I would be alive for? Could there be any change, or would I just be the person fooling around with my life. Danger continues to haunt me. My time as my own is not completely realistic.

There is nobody in the way to success, but, imagine that there actually is. And that person is called you. You are the only person holding yourself back. Your fears your anxious words, or your depressed look on the world. But sometimes you just have to jump in and make it, since you are the only one who can shape your world.

For me it feels different. It is as if I know what I want to do, but at the same time I’m on my own. What nobody ever realises is that you need yourself to continue. I wonder though, what if I lost myself in the process of becoming of who I am. Am I still myself then? Or are my thoughts not my own anymore, but are they just send down to the world himself.

I’ve been thinking of this as I finished John Green’s last book, Turtles all the way down. He managed to put it in such way it is realistic, that it doesn’t matter of being you at all, but that you can be whoever you want to be. It might cause you to lose some of the people you have around, but you don’t ever truly lose yourself in the process. No matter what comes at you, you’ll fight to get through, and that is what keeps us going. Forever.