Tag Archives: life

I’m actually me

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It’s been a while, but I think I’m back to being me. it sounds odd in some way, but I wasn’t really being me, but merely reflecting an image of myself, not telling anyone except that boy.

Imagine that you just don’t know what to feel anymore, or how to live, or what to do. It feels as if you lost a part of yourself. But hey, in some way you did, bu it is time to investigate again what self now actually means, or what it doesn’t mean.

Over the past half year, I’ve cried, I’ve lost, I’ve learnt, and I am so much closer to knowing what my values are, and more importantly, what friendship means to me. It’s quite odd in some kind of way, since this was a chain reaction tied to one person.

Both the bad and the good were linked back to that boy. I have to thank him, even though Id on’t know how I could ever make clear what he taught me. At the same time I don’t need to know either, but knowing I have a friend like that, a person who just respects me for who I am, that’s great actually.

So thank you, if you’re ever reading this, person, code name ”
Cthulhu”, thank you for finding myself once more.

~Roza~

Earodynamics stairs

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You know, I fell down the stairs with Christmas, so not such a happy holidays after all. But you know what, it’s alright, I am still alive, and hence it was better than being hit by a car, since nothing is broken.

Yeah, you’re right, I’ve also experienced being hit by a car, as I was cycling. It wasn’t a pleasure experience, and I still don’t understand how that person wasn’t able to see me at all. The lady driving I mean. It’s funny, because even though it hurt I can laugh about it right now, simply because the old lady who was driving the car that hit me was my grandmother.

I guess I have to take it from my family, yet I really dispise my mum’s side of the family, and I would never like understand why people have to gossip about other family members behind their backs. I wonder if it’s because they don’t talk to each other at all anymore, or because they’re just curious, ohh well.

Falling from the stairs isn’t really recommended by the way. I dropped at least 10 stairs hitting my but and back really bad, but at least nothing is broken, that’s how I think from it, yet now I’m not really allowed to cycle 45 kilometers from mum, which is what I wanted to do. I have to take the train and bus instead, sadly…

Nothing without Something

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What if the world was the only person I would be alive for? Could there be any change, or would I just be the person fooling around with my life. Danger continues to haunt me. My time as my own is not completely realistic.

There is nobody in the way to success, but, imagine that there actually is. And that person is called you. You are the only person holding yourself back. Your fears your anxious words, or your depressed look on the world. But sometimes you just have to jump in and make it, since you are the only one who can shape your world.

For me it feels different. It is as if I know what I want to do, but at the same time I’m on my own. What nobody ever realises is that you need yourself to continue. I wonder though, what if I lost myself in the process of becoming of who I am. Am I still myself then? Or are my thoughts not my own anymore, but are they just send down to the world himself.

I’ve been thinking of this as I finished John Green’s last book, Turtles all the way down. He managed to put it in such way it is realistic, that it doesn’t matter of being you at all, but that you can be whoever you want to be. It might cause you to lose some of the people you have around, but you don’t ever truly lose yourself in the process. No matter what comes at you, you’ll fight to get through, and that is what keeps us going. Forever.