Tag Archives: friends

I’m actually me

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It’s been a while, but I think I’m back to being me. it sounds odd in some way, but I wasn’t really being me, but merely reflecting an image of myself, not telling anyone except that boy.

Imagine that you just don’t know what to feel anymore, or how to live, or what to do. It feels as if you lost a part of yourself. But hey, in some way you did, bu it is time to investigate again what self now actually means, or what it doesn’t mean.

Over the past half year, I’ve cried, I’ve lost, I’ve learnt, and I am so much closer to knowing what my values are, and more importantly, what friendship means to me. It’s quite odd in some kind of way, since this was a chain reaction tied to one person.

Both the bad and the good were linked back to that boy. I have to thank him, even though Id on’t know how I could ever make clear what he taught me. At the same time I don’t need to know either, but knowing I have a friend like that, a person who just respects me for who I am, that’s great actually.

So thank you, if you’re ever reading this, person, code name ”
Cthulhu”, thank you for finding myself once more.

~Roza~

Sleep isn’t everything

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I guess, some of my friends, just like to constantly yawn, as one of them actually mentioned in a text, this was the result.

Yawning is the terror of everything
Always lurking in the shadows asking for something.
Whatever it is, mighty cannot even say
Neither can the Polish, but they have their own way.

Intresting is what others would say it to be
Neither around, yet never to be free
Gaining on everything, mortal and enemy.

Love

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Yes, I know, I’ve been told to move on., there is no way it can become something between you and I, yet still I long for you. You told me, it wouldn’t be happening, and I am to respect that, which I am. Distance is such a big issue I guess.

But that doesn’t mean I can just let you go, and honestly I tried. I tried to kick you out of my mind, I try to be just friends, I’ve tried for a good 4-5 months already and I’m still stuck at the beginning. But at the same time, I’m also not stuck there, since I just don’t feel anything.

Yes I feel joy and laughter, but I tend to block out the feelings surrounding you. I know sometimes it goes well, but in the moments my mind wanders towards you, and I remember when you kissed me, before we departed. It flows back into my mind as if it was yesterday, but it’s been so long, and so far.

I get stronger from it though, the times I think about you, even though my mind tells me I shouldn’t, I still do. And I don’t know if I will ever stop wondering how it would be to embrace you again, just to feel your body pressed to mine in a tight hug, so I wonder, and wait till we meet again, my friend.

Choice

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In some way, everything is a matter of choice. I had a really long thought about it this morning, and I concluded that. But sometimes things aren’t really your choice, or you think they are your choice but in the end it didn’t seem like that.

I’m saying this because of the certain relations I’ve had with friends or maybe even slightly romantic. I realised after this morning, not everything seemed to be a choice, while it should have been. I think the person I’m currently friends with, or rather to say, have a crush on, on which he knows, only made me realise that.

With him, everything is a choice, if I don’t want to explain something, there is no pushing of finding out. If I think something goes to far I can tell and he will stop, and even when I do want to tell something he’ll tell me if he has the time to listen and reply when I ask.

Others weren’t like this, but it felt more as a forced choice than a choice that was mine. I’m just glad that I got to meet this person and that I get to see some of the ways he thinks of things, since it’s rather intresting. And I also get to learn from it as well, which I think is the most important thing, since I can get a better view of what my own opinion is, and on what is right and wrong.

Holidays

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The holidays are a sort of time, that people look up to, but I am not this kind of person, I rather dislike Christmas for example, simply because it is an holiday spend with your family. And mine isn’t exatly the best.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my sister, and my parents, but my mum’s family… I don’t even know where to start. They are just not the people that are able to handle each other in one room, so it doesnt’happen. In some ways I’m glad about that, but in others its like a sort of feeling of belonging, and missing, that you cannot enjoy what peolple have gifted to you. Something as a happy family gathering.

And I know I’m not the person to complain, because there are people who have it less good than me, would be dying to have it like me. So I try to enjoy, to spend time with the people I really care about, and to enjoy the fact I am here, and I will not be able to leave, yet to have a good time. It’s reassuring in some way, and I’ll get through.

So, best of all to everyone out here, and even if your holidays are different than mine, your New Year is different from mine, I still wish you the best of all, for the coming year.

~Dreamer of Faith~

I am not on my own

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I’m not on my own
I’m not on my own
I am stronger than you are
I’m not on my own
I can fight the whole world
I am not on my own
I am not on my own
I am following the wind
I am not on my own
I’m the flowing water ashore
I’m not on my own
I am not alone
I am not forgetting I’m here
I am not alone
I am definitely strong
I am so much more
I am who I am
I am what I say
I define who I am
I figure out what is right
I’m not on my own
I’m not on my own
and never will be.

One thought in an ocean of things, after I finally had to curious to speak up to my friend about something big.