Monthly Archives: December 2018

Earodynamics stairs

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You know, I fell down the stairs with Christmas, so not such a happy holidays after all. But you know what, it’s alright, I am still alive, and hence it was better than being hit by a car, since nothing is broken.

Yeah, you’re right, I’ve also experienced being hit by a car, as I was cycling. It wasn’t a pleasure experience, and I still don’t understand how that person wasn’t able to see me at all. The lady driving I mean. It’s funny, because even though it hurt I can laugh about it right now, simply because the old lady who was driving the car that hit me was my grandmother.

I guess I have to take it from my family, yet I really dispise my mum’s side of the family, and I would never like understand why people have to gossip about other family members behind their backs. I wonder if it’s because they don’t talk to each other at all anymore, or because they’re just curious, ohh well.

Falling from the stairs isn’t really recommended by the way. I dropped at least 10 stairs hitting my but and back really bad, but at least nothing is broken, that’s how I think from it, yet now I’m not really allowed to cycle 45 kilometers from mum, which is what I wanted to do. I have to take the train and bus instead, sadly…

Holidays

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The holidays are a sort of time, that people look up to, but I am not this kind of person, I rather dislike Christmas for example, simply because it is an holiday spend with your family. And mine isn’t exatly the best.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my sister, and my parents, but my mum’s family… I don’t even know where to start. They are just not the people that are able to handle each other in one room, so it doesnt’happen. In some ways I’m glad about that, but in others its like a sort of feeling of belonging, and missing, that you cannot enjoy what peolple have gifted to you. Something as a happy family gathering.

And I know I’m not the person to complain, because there are people who have it less good than me, would be dying to have it like me. So I try to enjoy, to spend time with the people I really care about, and to enjoy the fact I am here, and I will not be able to leave, yet to have a good time. It’s reassuring in some way, and I’ll get through.

So, best of all to everyone out here, and even if your holidays are different than mine, your New Year is different from mine, I still wish you the best of all, for the coming year.

~Dreamer of Faith~

I am not on my own

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I’m not on my own
I’m not on my own
I am stronger than you are
I’m not on my own
I can fight the whole world
I am not on my own
I am not on my own
I am following the wind
I am not on my own
I’m the flowing water ashore
I’m not on my own
I am not alone
I am not forgetting I’m here
I am not alone
I am definitely strong
I am so much more
I am who I am
I am what I say
I define who I am
I figure out what is right
I’m not on my own
I’m not on my own
and never will be.

One thought in an ocean of things, after I finally had to curious to speak up to my friend about something big.

Bookwurm to the max

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Saturday I finally picked up my so long awaited books of the Throne of Glass series from Sarah J. Maas. I’ve been waiting for the past two weeks to continue reading after I finished the first three books and the prequel within a month. It’s a good thing for me that I had so many gift cards to spend, otherwise I would have never been able to continue reading. 

It turned out, I spent most of my Saturday night reading in Queen of Shadows, only to later start in Empire of Storms. [SPOILER] What I loved most about these books in the character development of Aelin over the series. I have not reached the end yet, but I know, and was actually surprised that she is living on borrowed time. It was something I didn’t expect to happen, that the main character of the books would end up dead, or more like, is going to need to forfeit her life to make her friends be able to live on.  

What I’m thinking of now however, is that the last part of Empire of Storms gave me the idea her cousin Aedion would be able to give that sacrifice as well, but I don’t know, it seems like a theory that got developped in my mind, and one I am curious to reveal once I get back to reaing the last two books of the series. [SPOILER OUT]

It was so very typical of me to jump in the books as if it was my own story, and it felt like an escape from reality feeling and hearing how the story goes on. It was like time travel. The first moment you’re at the beginning of a journey, but then all of a sudden you end up overseas, which took you only three weeks of sailing, and not knowing what to do. I wonder if others also experience reading like this, or that it is just me, who gets caught up in someone else’s world for a little while. 

Musicalish Cash

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People, especially with birthdays, like to give me cash. In my country, we barely use cash, and at my uni I’m not even able to pay with cash at all anymore. Everything goes with your bankcard, and I like it. There is a system that up to 25 euros you don’t need to enter your pincode, but once you go over that you have to again. In some ways it makes it easier to pay, sometimes too easy if you ask me, since people can even do it if they still your card, but only up to 25, till you have to enter that devious pincode again.

Today I got my hands on more cash it seems though, even tho I spent most of what I got from my birthday, partly on my graphic tablet, and partly on the pup crawl from the student assosiation. There are some minor things to take into account though, today I got paid in cash, because it’s lovely and a hassle to pay musicians, especially amateurs like myself by bank account. That would be such of a hassle. 

Our group or actually large quartet existed out of three first violinist, three second violinsts, a viola, which would be me, and a cello player. Each year we perform with this chorus in the church, but this time it was actually freezing, as in my hand were frozen solid at the end of the performance. It doesn’t really help that right now I’m watching the snow fall down in the dark sky, and am just sitting wrappeed in a blanket. 

I yet again have to think what I will have to with the little, but yet quite some of the cash I got today. I could buy about two books with it, as they are expensive here, but at the same time I could just save it up so I can use it later for when I want to travel again. So many options, yet I just received about five new books from the gift cards I had, so I think I’m good to go about reading for till the end of the year, hopefully.

Typical day out

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What if you have never realy been out at the pups, but every now and then you tag along with others you know. That’s what happened with me. I agreed to join in on a pup crawl my study association organised, and at first I was where did I go into, but later I was actually enjoying myself, and having a good laugh with the guys.

The upside of studying engineering is that you get to hang out with a lot of dudes, but the downside is people who know them and not you, automatically asume you’re someone’s girlfriend. I thought it was kind of funny that one of the teachers present asked one of my school buddies if I was his girlfriend. I had a good laugh about it.

You must realise I don’t drink, but just having a soda while others are having shots and beer is also fun, in some way. I laughed a lot about the stupid things my group did, one of them being the fact they hung someone in a sitting position with duct tape, hilarious, but also just the random jumping and dancing that appeared when they were getting a bit more loose than their standard normal selfs. 

The most fun I had about yesterday, is the fact, while I was still able to go to school, hence long live soda, one of my teachers called in sick. I guess it’s the survival of the fittest, also known as students. The thing about my teacher is that he was studying at my uni the year before me and just graduated and started working here. It’s quite cool to have such teacher. 

Nothing without Something

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What if the world was the only person I would be alive for? Could there be any change, or would I just be the person fooling around with my life. Danger continues to haunt me. My time as my own is not completely realistic.

There is nobody in the way to success, but, imagine that there actually is. And that person is called you. You are the only person holding yourself back. Your fears your anxious words, or your depressed look on the world. But sometimes you just have to jump in and make it, since you are the only one who can shape your world.

For me it feels different. It is as if I know what I want to do, but at the same time I’m on my own. What nobody ever realises is that you need yourself to continue. I wonder though, what if I lost myself in the process of becoming of who I am. Am I still myself then? Or are my thoughts not my own anymore, but are they just send down to the world himself.

I’ve been thinking of this as I finished John Green’s last book, Turtles all the way down. He managed to put it in such way it is realistic, that it doesn’t matter of being you at all, but that you can be whoever you want to be. It might cause you to lose some of the people you have around, but you don’t ever truly lose yourself in the process. No matter what comes at you, you’ll fight to get through, and that is what keeps us going. Forever.